Have you ever wondered if you were truly saved? I’ve been there! To me, lack of assurance of salvation was the most anxiety-producing feeling in the world, to the point of panic attacks. I am now confidently resting in the grace and mercy of God in Christ, assured that I will get to enjoy God for all eternity. I have experienced many years of profound peace in my identity. Let me tell you my story.
Until 6th grade, I never questioned whether or not the Bible was true. My family attended church weekly and enjoyed relationships with loving people there. After taking a class on creation and evolution, the wheels of my brain started turning. I began asking questions about the Bible, even confronting the pastor of my church. The answers didn’t satisfy me, and I fell into unbelief.
By the time I left home for college, my faith was nonexistent. After meeting some devoted Christians in college, I was intrigued by their lives. I was motivated to begin investigating the claims of the Bible once again. I started reading the Bible and every book and resource I could access, determined to discover truth.
The lives of the disciples fascinated me. They were ordinary people who lived alongside Jesus, fearful yet willing to die to share the message that Jesus was the Savior of the world. After reading their stories, I fully believed that the Bible was the Word of God and that Jesus was who He claimed to be. I began trying to live in alignment with my newfound faith.
My sin overwhelmed me. How could I possibly love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and my neighbor as myself all the time? I was painfully aware of how little I loved God and how prideful, impatient, and selfish I was. I knew in my head that Jesus forgives sin, but I struggled to believe His promises to love me, the sinner.
This lack of trust in God and struggle with sin caused me to question whether or not I was saved. My stress level was high, affecting my personal life and relationships. My body would tingle in panic at the thought of being separated from God. I cried out to Him often, praying for help.
God answered my prayer. He spoke to me continually through comforting scriptures about His love, grace, and mercy. It was encouraging to often hear the same scripture from several sources on the same day. I knew He was speaking directly to me, and I felt loved right in the middle of my messed up life. He poured His love and grace into my hurting heart.
If you struggle with a lack of assurance of salvation, let me encourage you to pray for the Holy Spirit’s help. Meditate on Scriptures that remind you of God’s grace in Christ. Remember that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. (Romans 10:13)
Your sins are covered when Jesus lives in you, whether you “feel” it at the time or not, and the perfect life He lived becomes YOUR record! Jesus is all that God sees when He looks at you! Jesus cannot be taken away even on your worst days as a Christian (and there will be many!) The Holy Spirit will give you a settled peace that will only grow with time.
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